Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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