i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
