is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
