You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The Olympian is in my bed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
