So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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