I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
