I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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