I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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