My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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