just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize