Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
