Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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