it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
