What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
