upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh god it's open bar.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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