And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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