I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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