At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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