He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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