um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
