Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
