just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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