The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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