I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
