whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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