Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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