I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
