it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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