He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize