I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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