I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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