Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
