Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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