All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
