Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
