i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
