You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
