How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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