i need an iv and a liver transplant
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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