You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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