My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
