I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
