My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
