I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
