i jhust puked up my retainher.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
