apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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