Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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