Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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