member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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