We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
