atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
