Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
