I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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