So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
