And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
