i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
