Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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