Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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