dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
