It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
