I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
