is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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