the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
