Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
