so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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