apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
