i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
