...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
