The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
